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What does "healing" mean?
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I've done a lot of therapy. I'm still doing a lot of therapy. My therapist talks a lot about "healing" from past trauma. He says I have the right "corrected" ideas/thoughts about these traumas, but I don't know how to take them beyond surface-level knowledge - to actually heal.
I'm curious what healing really even means...
We can't undo trauma. We can't make it not have happened. And I can't ever imagine being in a place where that pain doesn't at least sit on my "shelf" - occasionally being knocked over or bumped into. If I have all the answers...how am I not healed? It's honestly not like someone gave me these corrected answers... they were conclusions I found on my own through therapy, working on myself, reflection, maturity... if that's not healing, what is? Before all that, I tried "not thinking about any of it." Compulsively forgiving and refusing to give space to pain/memories, etc. That also wasn't healing apparently.
So, I don't block the thoughts and refuse to acknowledge them. And I have "all the right answers" about "what really happened" and faults and deep understanding stuff... yet I'm still in pain every day. My relationships are affected. Every single one of them. I don't understand what it is I am supposed to be doing at this point.
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HOW TO START HEALING YOURSELF?
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As someone who doesn't afford a theraphy because I'm still a student, I want to ask how did you start healing yourself from past traumas you've experienced? I'm so desperate to move on from it, I know healing takes time. I want to know your past experiences that may help to meee
Top Comment: Hi, I didn't have trauma but anxiety. But the way to treat that is the same, it's to practice exposure therapy in your day to day life. Meaning not avoiding triggers, no reassurance how nothing bad is gonna happen and accept how something might unfortunately indeed happen. The point is to become comfortable with uncertainty, which is always the core of the issue.
How does one actually start to heal and move forward from trauma?
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How does one actually start to heal and move forward from trauma?
I always hear about healing trauma wounds to better be able to manifest and live happier but where do I start and how exactly do I do that?
Do I write it down? Do I pretend it doesn’t exist and just think positive? I’m not sure what exactly to do.
Top Comment: Reflect on them: It's not easy, whether you like it or not, you HAVE to relive them. Write everything down in a journal: It's like a Dairy/ Biography, it will help you realize and knowledge of the things that you did and why you did it... it helps you find the root cause of why you act that way or how a situation that you went through made you into the person you are today. Talk to a loved one or a therapist about what you went through. Affirmations: You must reprogram your subconscious mind and change your limited beliefs. Spend time in nature: It soothes your nervous system and helps you escape from a chaotic environment. Self Care / Love: Take care of yourself, begin to fall in love with yourself again. Get yourself Spirituality cleanse: Your body and aura field holds a lot of junk from trauma and bad energy... Give gratitude : Give thanks for what you have and enjoy the present moment 🙏🏼 This is what I did when I started to heal from my traumas and started my healing journey back in 2022... it's not going to be easy or be perfect, but trust me, it gets better. I wish someone would have told me about this earlier, as I'm telling you now, Anon... I wish you the best and love on your journey!!!! Good luck !!!!
What's the most healing, self loving thing you've ever done ...
Main Post: What's the most healing, self loving thing you've ever done ...
It's unhealthy to be actively healing all the time
Main Post: It's unhealthy to be actively healing all the time
How to heal yourself without a good trauma therapist?
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Tim Fletcher and Patrick Teehan on YouTube seem to have really helpful videos, but how do I navigate all of them? Do I watch all of them, what order?
Please help give any tips, I want so desperately to heal
Top Comment: there are truly infinite resources out there and i think you have two excellent places to start. but as a survivor of what was basically spiritual psychosis, i also really want to warn you against doing this completely “on your own.” trauma heals in relationships, point blank period. and if you’re a survivor of complex trauma, a large part of your brain probably only “wants” to heal in isolation. i went really far down the youtube trauma rabbit hole, and also didn’t have many current IRL friendships or relationships that understood trauma or healing. this made me INCREDIBLY isolated and i entered a period of total delusional mania. i had over-identified with trauma to the point where it was the only thing i thought mattered about me, and it was the only thing i was willing to discuss with others. of course this only made me more isolated. i was only able to come out of this and ACTUALLY heal by entering IRL support groups and group therapy. it’s really really easy to get led down some scary, negative paths online and all on our own, so just wanted to warn you. having a real life group of humans to show up to and be accountable to was massive for me 💗
What has helped your healing journey that you wish you had done sooner?
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Regardless of where you are on your healing journey, I think it will be tremendously helpful if you share what has been helpful on our healing journey so far
The fact that each one of us is unique, and different things work for different people, we can use it to learn from each other and possibly apply it if we find it helpful❤️
- Going low contact with my abusers and changing my environment.
- Finding the right therapy modality (IFS+EMDR).
- Going to the gym, practicing martial arts.
- Reducing my screen time to become more aware of my thoughts and body (I particularly distract myself when I am in freeze.
- Reading “From Surviving to Thriving” by Pete Walker.
- Cutting out friendships based solely on having fun (alcohol, weed), with little to no emotional closeness.
- Building new friendships based on reciprocity, care, and emotional closeness. 8.Stopping taking nicotine (it contributed to my fight/flight). 9.Getting evaluated for ADD/ADHD and getting prescribed Strattera (Atomoxetine) for my executive dysfunction.
Top Comment: I love this. To start with I thought there was an answer for me, I tried different things and had varying success. Since then, and changing my perspective to be more around trying things and seeing what works best for me I’ve found: Self care is really important. I’ve always felt uncomfortable looking after myself because it felt like I didn’t deserve it or it was vain? So as silly as it sounds, having skincare, hair, getting ready routines has been really helpful for me.. Yoga. Absolutely lifesaver. To tsrart with I could barely attend a class but now it’s my #1 mental health care tool. Learning stuff. I have found a lot of freedom from the things I used to beat myself up about in understanding my adaptations to what I went through. Lots of the behaviours I felt were personality/human defects were more things I’d learned to survive when younger. Understanding that allowed me to access self compassion, something that was super unfamiliar to me. Top picks are van der Kolk, Dan Harris, ester perel, a lot of yoga teachers etc Meditating, journaling, positive self talk. Resetting your brain and body takes time, it’s so much easier to see your thoughts as just that, thoughts, not your whole self. Community. The past 8 years my symptoms got much worse and I became a bit of a shell of who I was, I stopped reaching out to people and lots a lot of friends in the mean time. Making myself reach out to people again is painful and awkward but so important
What does it feel like to actually be healed?
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So I’ve been doing the whole healing thing for like a year and a half or so in therapy and in life in general and am very much in the thick of it. I feel sad, alone and angry during a lot of my days and when those feelings come up I do stuff to help me cope. Though the intensity often comes back not that long after. I know I’ll never feel like happy 24/7 or like not have some level of pain, I just don’t know what it will look or feel like to have a more normal or manageable level of pain.
Questions and any ideas are welcome.
Top Comment: For me, and I am not 100% healed but I feel I am so much better, is being able to stay regulated most of the time and have a healthy relationship with my emotions. Before healing, I usually acted following impulses and strong emotions. I was very erratic. Now, I am able to sit with my emotions and self regulate before making important decisions. I feel more in charge of my own well being and I trust my capacity to lead my own life.
Healing has single-handedly been the worst thing I've ever ...
Main Post: Healing has single-handedly been the worst thing I've ever ...
What efforts have you made to heal yourself?
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Apart from conventional treatments, what efforts have you made to heal yourself? I want to feel the power of everyone; we are all the same, all on a journey of healing.
Top Comment: I moved away from my parents, away from the source of what hurt me.
Is feeling actually healing?
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I have this idea that to heal from my trauma I need to feel the pain of it. But I already felt it when it happened. Did I not feel it enough or something?
It seems to be received wisdom that feeling is healing, and I have to go through this pain to resolve my trauma - but why is it, and why do I? Where do we get this idea? Is there any evidence to support it?
My general worldview is feeling feelings is a good thing and allows us conscious contact with what's happening in our emotional world, which gives us information about ourselves, others, desires, drives etc. And not feeling feelings equals finding ever more dysfunctional ways to avoid them.
When I am, for example, sobbing on the floor after facing the realisation that nobody in my family was safe - which is indescribably painful - I tell myself that it's better to feel it than not. But is it actually? Am I not just making myself feel awful to no end?
I'd be grateful for your perspectives and how you understand these things.
Top Comment: If you'd like the known science: it's not the feeling specifically. It's the repair of the emotional rupture. Meaning we feel the feeling and THEN are able to access or help ourselves to get through that feeling back to a state of "ok enough." So in your example, the realization that noone in your family was safe causes the emotional rupture (or reactivates the original rupture from childhood). Releasing the feelings (crying) is part of that process. Then there should be some things you can say, or somatic skills you can use to help you find some degree of calm or "it will be ok" after the crying. This "getting back to ok feelings after bad feelings" is actually where the healing goes full circle. Because that's the signal the nervous system is looking for that says "hey, as bad as this is, it is safe to know and feel." When we get through that enough times, this emotional memory will be processed (moved to the hippocampus) and can no longer be trigger. It will still be sad, because it's is a sad thing, but it won't be overwhelmingly sad. So the question is what are you doing while you are feelings to help yourself through the feelings?